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By the end of the evening, I was so tired, and didn\u2019t want to bake anything ever again. All this to say, that the next morning, I was eating breakfast with Benne, and all I could think of was\u2026\u2019hmm, that red velvet recipe could use some tweaking, maybe I could bake it again this weekend and try adjusting a few things\u2026\u2019 See? I\u2019m just addicted to the process. when I\u2019m baking, I feel like I\u2019m tapping into this part of myself, that\u2019s a genuine expression of Abby. It feels right, and it brings me joy\u2026even on my worst of days. BUT, in the process of doing this project\/blog, I\u2019ve come to realize something else: no matter what I\u2019m baking, or how good or bad I am at it, or how my cakes turn out, I have no<\/strong> ambition to be the best<\/span>. And I felt so relieved when I realized that.<\/p>\n Sometimes, I think I pick up on this competition-vibe among people who like to bake\u2026and even people who don\u2019t. I\u2019ve felt it as well. If someone bakes something better than I do, I\u2019ve felt threatened or jealous. I\u2019ve also had reactions when I bake things for people, almost like I make them feel bad or guilty\u2026that the fact that I made a yummy cake says something about them, that they are suddenly less skilled or talented? I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m explaining it right\u2026 People have also suggested to me that I try getting on Heel Holland Bakt <\/em>(The Dutch copycat of The Great British Bake-off)\u2026 I\u2019ve also been name a domestic goddess (oh my). Just to be clear, this is my realization, but for myself it\u2019s been a relief to say to all those things: screw that.<\/strong><\/p>\n I grew up in a family that valued talent and being the best. On the one hand, this taught me to work hard and strive for a higher standard. One the other hand, it made me feel paralyzed and afraid of trying new things (it\u2019s hard to learn if you always need to be the best). One skill I\u2019ve gained since living and being in another country is the ability to fail. That if I fail, it says nothing about me as a person, and that it\u2019s crazy to think that I will be able to be good at everything. Failure can be really valuable\u2026it can motivate to accept, reach out, and ask for help.<\/p>\n Anyway\u2026that was a little tangent. All this to say, I\u2019m learning and enjoying this process. I\u2019m enjoying not being the best, and I love baking \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n Liefs! en fijne kerstdagen\u2026<\/p>\n Abby<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.abbykidder.com\/projectbakebook\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/DSC_5674-edited2-e1513710017358-223x300.jpg\")
I just love baking. and I want to share that love. I love the process, the anticipation, the ups and downs. I love the point when you can\u2019t do anything more but put your dear creation in the oven and hope for the best. I love the science and chemistry behind it all. For me, it\u2019s not about being the best, it\u2019s about learning, and trying and experimenting. That\u2019s the most fun, and I\u2019ve discovered that finding that perspective, has given me a lot of freedom. Freedom to make mistakes, freedom to have fun, freedom to be curious. AND freedom to be damn proud of a job well done when something does<\/strong> come out pretty and delicious! \ud83d\ude42 \u2026or when I\u2019m able to salvage something and cover the evidence with a fancy frosting job hee hee!<\/p>\n